I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
