I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize