I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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