wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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