Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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