I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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