there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
