You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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