Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I can text with my tongue
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize