woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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