When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
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His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
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Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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