I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
