I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
