hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
