barbara walters just said penis...
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
