after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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