hotel room ftw
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
