never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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