I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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