I cockslap morals
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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