I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
