This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
