My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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