she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I just want nice things and good sex
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
