I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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