fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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