Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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