i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
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Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
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as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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