I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
