You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
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