Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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