my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
