butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
