Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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