Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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