Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize