yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
