The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
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I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
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He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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