I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
