just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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