I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
