I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
