the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize
