We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
