I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
