Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
