she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
