So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
