1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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