what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize