I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
