My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
