the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
