Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
