from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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