does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Randomize
