Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
