Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
