Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
